META-NAIVETY

i sometimes get annoyed by my naivety - naivety is usually associated with 'simplicity' in my case it was by all evidence incurred by extremely high levels of optimism - my optimism could make me feel like i could run a marathon without even getting up from a chair it could make me feel like i could fly without wings - even though i didn't really believe it i still felt like i could run the whole world if i'd wanted to - it turned me deplorably uncaring to important things like dutifulness and because of this many times have i stumbled and many times have i fallen and lord have i gone all old-ladyishly bitter

nevertheless i could never hate this attitude - i never really wanted it to change - it was the one thing that still connected me to my baby self and boy how i loved that little girl forever foolishly running around and screaming out of pure joy

perhaps it was also the one and only thing that kept me alive - last sunday i got dumped and it hurt so bad i could not stop crying i kept waking from my sleep only to wipe out the tears endlessly running down my face then one morning i woke up with my eyes so swollen and red i could barely see and it stopped i thought it would take me weeks to be able to smile but just by the evening i found myself laughing and making impossible stupid jokes - it is just like that after every single fall right after i get up no matter how damaged all of my limbs are that gullible optimism slowly sneaks up on me unnoticed and takes me for another walk on the top of the world only to wait for me to fall once more