one could tell i was used to being a failure by now - not exactly from the number of tears that spilled out of my eyes each time which throughout the years remained considerably high but one could tell from the swiftness of my jump right into the pool of unsuccess instead of just walking away as everyone should from my eagerness to drown in misfortune for upcoming decades in order to wash away every trace of the urge to fight for any kind of a good spot in the middle of this poor society - there i was lying at the bottom of the world until every inch of my skin was cleansed in the cool green water
when i surfaced i was free of the need to prove myself to be worth to live
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