LEAVING TEAR

i have listened to that melody a hundred times

and yet only now i seemed to truly comprehend it -  in that moment i twiched and i could see the tearing inside me the real vivisection - i walked through a dampish field surrouned by misty hills and the thought of leaving was tormenting despite the fact that i have looked up to it so many times before only now i truly saw it and i was devastated

the worst was to know that i had to leave

i kissed goodbye my homeland's soil soaked with my child tears scathed by claws of my former hatred for humankind 

i took leave of the ailing land deafened by the dull buzz of the constant aknowledgement that you'd never love me