i'm dying and i've no idea what one's supposed to do - i mean i could still cry about it but i've spent half of my life whining about everything so shouldn't i be like happy now?
i'll tell you my life was a huge failure - i let people mess with me and i mostly just did what others wanted - i was never able to get what i hoped for and after some time pathetically i started to pretend that i never really cared about any of it in the first place
each year i could see how my eyes changed how all the infantile enthusiasm was slowly draining from them - now that all the dull time is over with me they look more dead than alive i always wondered why people were not asking how i'm still alive although they did keep saying i looked sick
with all my sceptisicm i couldn't believe in an afterlife - even though i have come back to life once - it was just so easy for me to imagine how i will cease to exist how the darkness will engulf my soul and my every thought will be gone as if it never existed never mattered anything just like it never should have
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